i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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