11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
