If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
