the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
