I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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