Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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