I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
