your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
