even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
