I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
