I like my sex mixed with concussions.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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