it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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