so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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