you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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