Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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