between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
