you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
