i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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