she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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