this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
