She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
P.S. I can't hear my feet
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
