Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
