so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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