i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
