woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
