I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
