how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
