I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
