he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
