Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
