Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
