I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
