I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
