I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
