you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
