Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
