She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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