we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
