woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
