i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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