Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
