The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
