You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
