I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she woke up with a sticky ear
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
