Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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