We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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