My room smells like vodka and shame
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Green mimosas i think yes
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
