it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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