pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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