You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
