Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
