That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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