I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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