Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
where am i from again
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
