you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Never underestimate the power of titties
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
