So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
