Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
