so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
