So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
